Self-care is, very simply, healthy habits or activities that give you and your brain space and time to relax.

We all need a break once in a while, and the key to knowing what self-care practices suit you or when you need self-care is to be mindful and check in with yourself.

Self-care habits vary from person to person. Some people on our team are proud mothers to cats and potted plants and their form of self-care is a lazy afternoon stroking said cat, or heading out to adopt more plants! Others like taking a day off work or social interactions to play video games, or to lie around in bed listening to music. Basically doing whatever helps you to re-charge.

You're a good friend! Sometimes all it takes is just letting her know that you're there for her without really digging into the issues and risking coming off as "kaypoh". For people who are struggling, even answering simple questions like "how are you?" can be quite overwhelming, so it'll be good to just simply let her share when she's ready. A person will only share with someone whom they know is empathetic, non-judgemental and ready to listen, and is not a "fixer".

[Conversation starter] Should we disclose our mental health status when applying for jobs?

[Conversation starter] What was the most hurtful thing someone has said to you? And what would you have preferred them to say instead?

[Conversation starter] What happens if the mental health professional we're seeing is not suitable?

It's important to know that everyone's experience with their own mental wellness and mental health is very different! The same goes for medication - everyone's body reacts to different medication in different ways. Some people have had positive experiences with medication, they feel like with medication, it really helps them to manage their moods and greatly improves their ability to carry out day to day activities. Some people try out medication, but dislike the side effects of the medication on their body, so they decide to stop. The general thought that our team has about medication is that if you feel like you need medication, or if your medical professional recommends it, there's no harm in trying it. However, do note that if it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't be afraid to sound out your concerns to your doctor or psychologist. It's your body, and you have every right to decide what you want in your body and what you don't.

It's not really our place to say if it's "normal" to have suicidal thoughts, but it is clear that for someone to consider that option means that things are getting dire and external help is needed. We recommend you consider talking to a trusted friend or family member, seeking counselling, reading self-help books, journalling, exercising, and making lifestyle changes. The important thing is to be safe and you don't have to go at things alone

We're glad you asked! Words communicate our attitudes and beliefs, and it takes self-awareness to realise why we use the words we use. Perhaps for a start, we should use words that are person-centric and recovery-oriented. This is also known as "Recovery Language". This sort of language applies to ourselves too. So for example, instead of saying "I am a schizophrenic!" we could say, "I have schizophrenia." Or, "I'm a failure" we could reframe it as "I've not reached my goal yet, but I'll keep trying." The key principle is to separate the person from the problem, and this allows us to respond to the person with empathy.

It does sound like work is affecting your friend. Workplace stress and burnout is so real in Singapore. If only we could talk about such things openly in a work setting! Unfortunately, it is still tricky to disclose mental health issues in most workplaces because of stigma, so the choice for self-disclosure really depends on the relationship between your friend and their boss; whether their boss is open to understanding more about mental health issues, how it affects a person and if certain work arrangements can be made. Besides talking to their boss, maybe your friend can consider talking to HR, or seek support from external professionals like therapists and counsellors who are more equipped to help. At the end of the day, work is never worth our peace of mind.

[Conversation starter] What happens if the mental health professional we're seeing is not suitable?

@ms-chellelai Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience with us. It must have been a distressing time for you to have gone through so much and to come so close to suicide. The fact that you're still here today is testament to your strength, and for that we just want to say we're proud of you and we're glad you're still with us

That's such an interesting point you brought up on how suicidal thoughts were expressed by "neurotypicals" and the possibility of them taking the option of euthanasia should it be legalised. It kinda makes one worry - how a person can reach that point so quickly and whether it was a genuine need masked by humour or flippant statements. It just goes to show that suicide is a real urgent issue that occurs under stressful situations without the factor of mental illness.

@ho-shuhuang Excellent pointers. Thanks for the elaboration! Yes, it's true that our conditions sometimes colour the way we communicate our needs or even limit our ability to articulate what we want. Sounds like it takes some level of self-awareness too! Journalling is probably a good starting point to help one work "backwards" as you've said, and to explore what one needs and what sort of reasons justify the decision to switch medical professionals. Life is too short to be "paiseh" in getting the help we deserve!

Thanks for your input @ho-shuhuang. Yes a diagnosis certainly is like a double-edged sword! A diagnosis is something that can serve as a useful starting point, and we reckon that shouldn't be the final goal or determining factor in our daily living. In many ways, stigma happens when people misuse the "label" and see it as a be all and end all, instead of seeing that there is life beyond the definitions of a disorder.

Hi @eelinong, excellent question! From what we know so far, aside from the usual community help resources (https://thetapestryproject.sg/get-help-resources), there are groups within hospitals like KKH that offer support for parenting related challenges like post-partum depression - a condition that occurs in both women and men. There are also family service centres available for parents that are finding it hard to cope with the day-to-day demands of raising a family.

NCSS also has a comprehensive list of mental health services open for the public (https://www.ncss.gov.sg/Press-Room/Publications/Detail-Page?id=Mental-Health-Resource-Directory) here are some resources that you can consider:

• ComCare by Ministry of Social and Family Development - For low-income individuals and families who may require any form of social assistance which includes financial assistance

• Helpline by Clarity Singapore Limited - Provides emotional support for individuals experiencing stress, anxiety, anger and depression

• Support for Wellness Achievement Programme (SWAP) Hotline by Institute of Mental Health - Provides emotional support for individuals experiencing or at-risk of developing psychosis or other mental illnesses.

• Yuan Yuan Helpline (Mandarin) by Shan You - Offers service to individuals facing bereavement, critical illness, unexpected challenges in their lives or who may just need a listening ear.

• Insight Centre Service Provider by Singapore Association for Mental Health - A community-based programme that specialises in working with
  persons with mental health issues and their caregivers.

Hope this helps!

[Conversation starter] I just had a meltdown and/or episode in public. How should I deal with its aftermath? And what can I say to my friends or acquaintances who witnessed it?

[Conversation starter] Under what circumstances would you raise or discuss your mental health?

[Conversation starter] What should we do when a friend or family members tells us they are feeling suicidal?

Recovery to us is less a goal and more a healthy state of mind. Think about what a happy day looks like; recovery to us is just about having more good than bad days.

This is not to say that bad days will never happen again. However, building mental resilience means we can identify our bad days and have positive strategies and good habits to get us through these tough times! Recovery is also accepting that we deserve all our good days as the norm.

@Sharon-Lok thanks for the great tip on using apps! Aside from the period tracker, one of the apps we've come across is Dailyo, which lets us to rate our moods daily and record our activities. Pretty useful for people who prefer a more pictorial way of recording their moods! There's also Mood Panda which is similar but has a social function to it - it lets users publish their struggles publicly and receive "hugs" from those in the same thread/channel.

If a person is not into apps, journaling and writing are also good ways to becoming more aware of their emotions. Simple things such as listing their symptoms as bullet points, or laying them out in a table really goes a long way in tangibly monitoring their moods across a period (or periods) of time.

What a great question! Inclusivity is a dynamic concept, but often means accepting and involving a person in any activity or decision without discriminating against them. An example of this would be hiring based on merit rather than other identity factors (gender, race, mental health, etc.)

Another approach would be about "choice" - does the person have a say in making certain decisions, or are the decisions being made for the person? For example, the very act of being consulted for your opinion before a decision is made is a good indicator of a healthy and inclusive working environment!

There are probably many ways to practice and show inclusion. What do you think?