Hi, just wanted to express my feelings here, I am currently suffering from a breakdown because of a break up. My problem right now is that I want to get away with my feelings but what if, he is the reason why I am able to smile and go through every day, but he is also the reason why I am like this right now, suffering from depression. How can I deal with that problem. Please help
Thanks so much for this extensive list! There's a lot of good things to unpack here. Really appreciate your sharing.
1. Take a look at the impact of your emotions
Intense emotions aren’t all bad.
“Emotions make our lives exciting, unique, and vibrant,” Botnick says. “Strong feelings can signify that we embrace life fully, that we’re not repressing our natural reactions.”
It’s perfectly normal to experience some emotional overwhelm on occasion— when something wonderful happens, when something terrible happens, when you feel like you’ve missed out.
So, how do you know when there’s a problem?
Emotions that regularly get out of hand might lead to:
relationship or friendship conflict
difficulty relating to others
trouble at work or school
an urge to use substances to help manage your emotions
physical or emotional outbursts
Find some time to take stock of just how your uncontrolled emotions are affecting your day-to-day life. This will make it easier to identify problem areas (and track your success).
2. Aim for regulation, not repression
You can’t control your emotions with a dial (if only it were that easy!). But imagine, for a moment, that you could manage emotions this way.
You wouldn’t want to leave them running at maximum all the time. You also wouldn’t want to switch them off entirely, either.
When you suppress or repress emotions, you’re preventing yourself from experiencing and expressing feelings. This can happen consciously (suppression) or unconsciously (repression).
Either can contribute to mental and physical health symptoms, including:
muscle tension and pain
difficulty managing stress
When learning to exercise control over emotions, make sure you aren’t just sweeping them under the rug. Healthy emotional expression involves finding some balance between overwhelming emotions and no emotions at all.
3. Identify what you’re feeling
Taking a moment to check in with yourself about your mood can help you begin gaining back control.
Say you’ve been seeing someone for a few months. You tried planning a date last week, but they said they didn’t have time. Yesterday, you texted again, saying, “I’d like to see you soon. Can you meet this week?”
They finally reply, more than a day later: “Can’t. Busy.”
You’re suddenly extremely upset. Without stopping to think, you hurl your phone across the room, knock over your wastebasket, and kick your desk, stubbing your toe.
Interrupt yourself by asking:
What am I feeling right now? (disappointed, confused, furious)
What happened to make me feel this way? (They brushed me off with no explanation.)
Does the situation have a different explanation that might make sense? (Maybe they’re stressed, sick, or dealing with something else they don’t feel comfortable explaining. They might plan to explain more when they can.)
What do I want to do about these feelings? (Scream, vent my frustration by throwing things, text back something rude.)
Is there a better way of coping with them? (Ask if everything’s OK. Ask when they’re free next. Go for a walk or run.)
By considering possible alternatives, you’re reframing your thoughts, which can help you modify your first extreme reaction.
It can take some time before this response becomes a habit. With practice, going through these steps in your head will become easier (and more effective).
4. Accept your emotions — all of them
If you’re trying to get better at managing emotions, you might try downplaying your feelings to yourself.
When you hyperventilate after receiving good news or collapse on the floor screaming and sobbing when you can’t find your keys, it might seem helpful to tell yourself, “Just calm down,” or “It’s not that big of a deal, so don’t freak out.”
But this invalidates your experience. It is a big deal to you.
Accepting emotions as they come helps you get more comfortable with them. Increasing your comfort around intense emotions allows you to fully feel them without reacting in extreme, unhelpful ways.
To practice accepting emotions, try thinking of them as messengers. They’re not “good” or “bad.” They’re neutral. Maybe they bring up unpleasant feelings sometimes, but they’re still giving you important information that you can use.
For example, try:
“I’m upset because I keep losing my keys, which makes me late. I should put a dish on the shelf by the door so I remember to leave them in the same place.”
Accepting emotions may lead toTrusted Source greater life satisfaction and fewer mental health symptoms. What’s more, people thinking of their emotions as helpful may lead toTrusted Source higher levels of happiness.
5. Keep a mood journal
Writing down (or typing up) your feelings and the responses they trigger can help you uncover any disruptive patterns.
Sometimes, it’s enough to mentally trace emotions back through your thoughts. Putting feelings onto paper can allow you to reflect on them more deeply.
It also helps you recognize when specific circumstances, like trouble at work or family conflict, contribute to harder-to-control emotions. Identifying specific triggers makes it possible to come up with ways to manage them more productively.
Journaling provides the most benefit when you do it daily. Keep your journal with you and jot down intense emotions or feelings as they happen. Try to note the triggers and your reaction. If your reaction didn’t help, use your journal to explore more helpful possibilities for the future.
Hi Marianne, I'm not a health professional, so I think it would be good to find one in your area to help you cope with your break down. We are humans and part of the human condition is going through our emotions so it may be a good thing for you to face your feelings rather than flee from them. You've taken the first step by expressing your feelings here. Hope you are able to find the support you need to process through your emotions.