Have you ever felt guilty over a sense of duty to others?

  • Community Admin

    How do you juggle the desire to care for loved ones and the need to care for yourself?

  • i have been struggling successfully w/mental issues (schizophrenia & bipolar disorder)for 40 years.it runs in the family & is inherited from generation to generation. what actually healed me, though i still have to take my medications (because of chemical imbalance in the brain that is causing it), was in the POWER of the LIVING WORD & PRAYERS (mine & others). the LIVING WORD (JESUS)& the ROSARY as my family's routine PRAYER everyday as catholics has PROTECTED mine & another's life (whom i had to protect) during those DARK & DANGEROUS YEARS of MARTIAL LAW in the philippine(1972-1986). i got sick in 1980 because at age 24, i was bearing all the responsibilities as a student in my mind ( my dad lost his job & has to be operated on his heart through a bypass open heart surgery, the power behind financial deb t & death threats as a social activist for radical change, stress from dental school to do good or even excel in it-it was 1 of the 2 most prestigious dental schools in the philippines & had to be cautious in going home late at night due to rampant criminality in our neighborhood- i have solved this by learniing martial arts

  • @lynnchan Maybe mom is sad to see grandma's condition. In a closed tradition it is better not to ask what and why she is sad. I think mom will refuse to talk about it and is becoming more and more secretive. Just give your attention. What does she like? Cake? Have cake with her. Give her warm hugs. Long and friendly hugs. Don't ask anything, but let her cry in your shoulder if she wants. Tell happy experiences with mom and grandma. Laugh with her. Say that you love her and grandma. If mom wants to share her feelings, please listen and hug. If she doen't want to talk, don't force her. All your mother needs is a feeling of comfort. Maybe if she is asked a lot of questions, she will feel uncomfortable because she worry about giving you trouble. Just give your attention and love. Pray together and let her hear your asking for her: may God help and love her very much. Bless you and your family.

  • I'm curious to find out what others have to say about this question too. My mom is a caregiver to my grandma who is struggling with depression, and I can tell my mom is often stressed out about it. I have yet to have a conversation with her about it, one because I'm from a traditional Chinese family and talking about feelings is a rare occurrence and two, I feel like I don't understand it enough to be able to help in any way. Knowing my own mom, she will not give me how she's feeling straight up so I do want to learn from others to find out about the little nuances about the guilt and shame caregivers face. I think I will be in a better position to properly talk to my mom about it after.

Log in to reply